Mothers

Odd that on Fathers Day I've been thinking about my mom.  But I have, so there.  She passed away a little over 9 years ago in a sudden way.  Nothing shocking, just collapsed walking to her car after work.  I don't think the doctors could find a definitive cause, so they just said "heart attack".  Doesn't matter, knowing what killed her, won't bring her back. 
She was one of the warmest, most caring people you would ever have met.  An angel on earth.  I know I'm a little biased, but I've heard other people call her that as well.  Most of my adult life I was upset that she was gone, but never really gave much thought to what I am missing without her.  I now have someone who I really wish she could have met and incorporated into her life.  My fiance, is very much like her in some respects.  She is caring, kind, has a quirky sense of humor and is deeply concerned about the welfare of others.  I very much wish Mom could have met her. 
I am getting a mother-in-law though.  In many ways she is similar to my mother as well.  She's a mom's mom.  You know the kind.  Bakes you cookies when you are feeling bad, goes out of her way to make you feel comfortable.  I like her quite a bit, but there is always a little something that makes me slightly standoffish to her.  I think it's because she DOES remind me of my mother.  I kind of feel that if I let her get to close, then it will tear open the scar that has healed over my heart.

A short post...it's almost midnight.  And I need to work tomorrow.  Good night.

Trying new things

In my quest in trying to find something that I am passionate about, I decided to take my sisters boyfriend, Zack,  up on his offer to teach me about welding.  I've always been fascinated with metal work.  I love shows like Monster Garage and American Chopper, well back when American Chopper was about building bikes and not family drama. 

My father is a pretty good handyman.  He has all sorts of power tools, but most of those are for wood working.  He's okay at it, can build something functional and it looks nice enough.  It won't win any awards for style, but it'll be solid and usefull.  Over the years I've helped him and think I have a decent understanding of how to build stuff with wood.  Again, nothing fancy, I'm not looking to build something that could be a piece of art, just a set of shelves.  But I've never really worked with metal. 

My future mother in law asked me last night why I loved metal working.  I couldn't come up with a really good answer and just replied "because it's cool."  While she stared at me blankly, I think most guys, and some women, would understand.  There is just something about taking a hunk of metal and turning it into something useful, beautiful, loud, or dangerous.  The same can be said of wood, but I just get more excited with metal.

So this takes me back to Zacks invitation.  He was installing some metal doors on his garage and asked me for help.  He said he would show me how to weld and we could hang the doors.  I was actually giddy that morning thinking about what I would learn.  So I threw the Fiance into the car and off we went.  I got her to come along under the pretense that my sister would take her with her to a kickboxing class.  Little did she know that it was taught by a uber militaristic neo nazi.  I think she would have hit me had she been able to lift her arms afterwards.  But I digress.

I learned that there are three major types of welding.  TIG, MIG, and ARC.  Tungsten Inert Gas, Metal Inert Gas, and... well ARC.  I'm not sure if that stands for anything or just the arc of the electricity, Zack didn't know either.  I also learned that the guys you see on these shows who do it for a living are REALLY REALLY good.  They make it look sooooo easy.  It seems the trick is getting the tungsten electrode close enough to the metal to make it hot without touching the metal.  Sound easy?  It isn't.  First of all, depth perception is pretty hard when you are wearing one of the masks, secondly it really is a fine line between too close and too far.  After a few tries with the TIG welder I felt this might be an skill I just didn't have in me.  I know, I know I gave up to easily.  But, then Zack suggested I try the ARC welder because it's a little easier, just not as neat.   So I gave it a go.  I was horrible at it....and loved every minute.  Sparks were flying everywhere, there were hissing and bubbling sounds as the metal heated up, it was freaking awesome.  I resisted the urge to whip off my mask and grunt like Tim Allen.  Again the trick is the distance between the rod thingy and the metal.  To far and you get no spark, to close and they stick together.  But towards the end there I got my "roll of quarters".  Which is how a weld is supposed to look.  This gave me new confidence to try the TIG welder again.  This time I bent my head more and got closer to the metal.  It was infinitely easier to see the metal pooling and where I needed to add the other metal stick thingy.  Yes I know these technical terms amaze you.  I still sucked at it, but I felt much better about my sucking and knew it was something I could improve on with practice.

In the end I successfully welded two pieces of scrap metal together and couldn't have been more pleased with myself.  I took the Slag Hammer, and knocked off the...well...slag.  After that I grabbed a steel brush and got all the gunk off of my scrap.  I was proud of my little piece of junk and decided it'll be a paper weight. 

In the end it looks like two pieces of metal stuck together with shiny glue of which I used way too much.  But I love it.  One might even say I've become passionate about it.

Growning up

I'm 37 years old and am finally starting to feel like an adult. I've been on my own and self-sufficent for some time now but I've always been a bit of a late bloomer. However, I'm starting to feel like l'm coming out of a cocoon and becoming a full fledged adult. This is something I never really thought much about. I never had a schedule for life. Never have I been the one to say at 25 I have a job making xyz and at 30 I'll be married with two kids. I've always kind of floated along, letting life take me down the river. Probably not the best approach for success, but I have never really cared all that much. As long as I had enough money to live on then I was fine.

However, now I'm starting to feel different. I feel like it's time to finally grow up, start taking better care of myself, my loved ones, and my life. I'm lucky because I have someone with me now to help me out. I can honestly say, that without her, I probably would still be floating down the river of mediocracy for the rest of my life. But now I want more. I want more out of my job, I don't want to just work for the paycheck, but enjoy what I do. I want to feel excited about going to work. A good friend of mine, Nacho, would rant and rave about how the world is all about wage slave jobs and only the uber rich have emotionally rewarding careers. Finding a good job that is rewarding in more than just a financial way is impossible. But I find fault with that. One thing he does say, that I completely agree with, is the line fed to us from grade school.  That if you get into college and get a degree the world will open up to you and riches will be laid at your feet. I call bullshit on that. If they had added, you need to work really hard, be very lucky and choose a degree that is relevant to whatever economic conditions exist when you graduate, then riches will be laid at your fee. Now it's if you get a Masters degree or an MBA then the world opens up to you...blah blah blah. Even the government is getting into this. You practically need a masters just to be a receiptionist now. Anyway, off my soap box, sorry about that. I still beleive a rewarding job can be found. However, I'm not sure how. And there, as the bard would say, in lies the rub.

So I will continue with my wage slave job but keep looking for better opportunities. I might have to go back to school, invest in myself a little bit. Possibly find a whole other career track for me. Which would be fine, since I don't get much pleasure from this one. My biggest concern is not knowing really what inspires me. What am I passionate about? I love football, but don't have the skill set to coach or anything. And I'm way to old to play. So what else am I passionate about? I honestly don't have any idea.

One thing I need to remember is I don't have to figure this out TODAY. As long as I'm trying to figure it out, then I'm on the right path. A year and half ago, I would have said, okay...I don't know what I'm passionate about, but I don't care that much so tra la la. But now I want more. So it's time to try new things. Find new adventures or activities that I can become passionate about. Then maybe, I can find a career that excites me.

I'm very fortunate that I have a wonderful person to help me figure these things out. Without her, life was, and would continue to have been very empty.

And so I continue to grow up.  Becoming an adult more and more each day.  I'm excited by the future and what it may hold.  And for the first time in my life, I'm happy to be called an "adult".

Home ownership?

It's that age old question, do you own your home or does your home own you?  Currently we are locked in a death grip with each other.  Neither one really having the advantage over the other.  The plumbing is currently the problem.  Right now, all the toilets have trouble flushing and the water pressure just isn't what it once was.  When I first bought the house, the water pressure was awesome, a shower felt like you were being sandblasted.  Now, it does the job but there is definetly a difference.  So what are my options I ask?  For the toilets one would think to replace the workings in the tank, but I've done that with no difference.  So I can only assume there is a blockage somewhere in the pipes.  I'm going to rent one of these roto rooters and see if I can fix the problem.  My bigger concern is the water pressure.  I've called a couple of plumbers and they all say I need to have my pressure regulator replaced.  Problem is, I've already done that and it didn't fix it.  When I explain that to the plumbers, their answer has been.."Well, I just don't know then."  Awesome.  The next step is to put in a call to the local water company and have them test the water pressure coming into the house.  I'm in that process now.  But as everyone knows dealing with a utility is about the same as dealing with the government.  It's going to be a slow process.

However, all in all, I love owning a home.  Especially now that I have someone to share it with.  Ever since The Fiance has moved in, my "honey-do list" has grown exponentially.  In all honesty, it was stuff that I knew needed to get done or I wanted to get done, but I didn't have someone to nudge me along and actually do them.  But back to home ownership.  I'm lucky in that I bought it cheap enough where the current housing market hasn't made me upside down.  And I think I bought a pretty good home.  I've lived here for 8 1/2 years and haven't had to dump too much money into it.  A new furnace and a/c unit, new roof, and new hot water heater.  But over a almost 9 year time span really that's not so bad.  I have friends who have had to replace all those things and more, a couple of times with their newer homes.

I find joy in doing the little chores around the house. Hanging up curtains, planting flowers, powerwashing the siding and deck.  I enjoy having people come over for cook outs and such.  Yes, I could still entertain if I rented, but there is something satisfiying about someone saying they like your house.

I've found I'm taking more pride in the outside of my house now as well.  It used to be all about setting up the ultimate "man cave" but now it's about owning a home.  Some place that feels warm and welcoming when you walk inside.  I used to think of my home as a good long term fiancial investment.  Now I think of it as a place to build memories and a good life in.

So I pose the question to myself again.  Home ownership?  Yes, I own my home!  It's our place to grow together in, to laugh, cry, yell, and love each other in.  Now, if I could just get the plumbing fixed.

The Great Move of 2010

The house is in chaos, but all for the good.  Boxes, furniture, pictures, dishes, cookware, and cats everywhere.  But The Fiance is moved in and now the unpacking begins.  We actually accomplished quite a bit this weekend.  We've unpacked the kitchen and most of the bedroom.  Still a few things left in the living room, basement, and most of the spare bedroom.  I'm hoping we will have it all done by this weekend. 

But this brings out the bigger question doesn't it?  How do I feel about having someone share my life with me.  Honestly?  I love it, and am scared by it at the same time.  Does that make sense?  I'm excited about all the different things we are going to do together.  I'm excited about how we will grow.  I'm scared because this is something I've never done before and it's the GREAT UNKNOWN. 

In the end I know this is a good thing, a great thing.  I love this woman more than I ever thought I could.  I've broken down and cried for no other reason than the realization of joy this woman brings me.  And for the two readers of this blog that don't know who I'm talking about, no I'm not putting her on a pedastal.  She has flaws, as we all do.  No one is perfect, but in a way she is perfect for me.

'Tis the season....to golf!

It's an absolutely beautiful day today and this weather is supposed to continue throughout the weekend and into next week. This kind of weather gets me all excited for golf. For me, golf is the ultimate individual sport. Getting your mind and body perfectly in tune with on another in an effort to hit a small metal head into a smaller ball at just the right angle to make the ball go exactly where you want it. That is the ultimate in mind/body coordination. I am in awe of the pros who can go out there, week in and week out, and consistently hit good golf shots. Where I may hit a good shot once out of every 20 or thirty attempts, they have a bad shot once out of every 1000. Just to clarify, what I consider a bad shot is not what the pros consider a bad shot. To me a bad shot is when you might hit a house, to them it's when it's 20 yards away from where they wanted to put it. But I digress. Golf season is upon us and I'm looking forward to it.

I'm trying to get The Fiance into golf. We played a little last year, up at the course my father's house is on. Mainly she just putted when we got the green, but she seemed to have a good time. She is even willing to take some lessons. News that made her father (an avid golfer) nearly leap up from his chair and kiss me. I'm hoping that after she moves in permanently, we can take some lessons together at the driving range.

My "home" course is The Woods up in West Virginia. Not too far from my house, about an hour and a half away. It's cheap to play there, compared to my area, and it's usually not nearly as crowded as here. Admittedly, it's not the greatest course, there are certainly better. But it's nice, and at this point, I know it pretty well.

I usually can shoot in the high 90's, sometimes better if I've used the "foot wedge" a few times. But I'm pretty consistently in the high 90's. My goal this year is to break 85 at least twice....honestly. Since I've been working on more of my core and stability muscles I'm anxious to see how that translates to my golf swing. Will I generate more club head speed? If so do I need to worry about the houses across the road? So I'm excited to get out and try. I think my first opportunity will be the second weekend in May, could be sooner but I doubt it. Until then I'll be content with going to the driving range and watching Phil, Ernie, Sergio, and Tiger with his big club (yes the double entendre was intended) walk around Georgia.

Cigars

I love a good cigar. My smoke of choice is Arturo Fuente cigars. I prefer a milder taste and a good burning cigar. One that I don't need to relight every five seconds. I've found these are the best for my individual preferences. I'm no cigar expert, never claimed to be. It's kind of like art, I may not know it, but I know what I like.

One of the things I love about cigars is smoking them with friends. My good friend and I have been smoking cigars on each others porches for almost ten years now. We don't smoke many, maybe about six or seven during the "season". Which for us is anytime we can smoke outside but mainly the warmer months. We mainly just sit there, catch up on each others lives and enjoy the company of an old dear friendship.

I occasionally will smoke when I play a round of golf. I've seen a lot of golfers smoke cigars while golfing. I won't say it improves my game, those would have to be some really special cigars, but I do enjoy puffing on a stogie while waiting to tee off or putt out.

So tonight my friend and I sat on my deck and enjoyed the cool night air while puffing on a couple of cigars. A couple of years ago he went through some of the same life changes that are coming up for me, getting married, living with someone who isn't just a roommate, etc. It was good to get another persons perspective. I felt a lot better after talking to him.

I will have to make this blog a little shorter than some because apparently tonight is the night Harley has decided to try a new gymnastics routine on my bed. So goodnight interwebs...sleep well.

Working out...losing weight

Well that's the goal anyway. I have been working out, and working out hard for the past three years. In those three years I've lost probably about 100lbs of fat and gained about 20lbs of muscle. I have just over a year before we are married and I'm needing to shed a few pounds. If I'm honest with myself I need to shed more than just a few. So as a way to motivate myself I'm going to try and keep a blog about losing weight and working out.

I've thought long and hard and decided the best approach for me is a basic one. No Weight Watchers, no Atkins, no South Beach, just need to keep the calorie intake to 2500 a day or less and continue to exercise. So I'm going with a two pronged attack. First will be to keep better track of my exercising. I need to be better at keeping track of my sets and the amount I lift. The second is to stick to counting the calories for the day.

As to the first, I'm pretty satisfied at where my cardio is. My resting heart rate used to be in the 80's and now I'm down into the high 50's or low 60's. My need is for more upper body strength and working on my core supportive muscles. The Fiance gave me 6 training sessions at my gym and I have used them to build a good new workout regime. It has me maintaining or slightly improving my leg muscles, and focusing in on triceps, biceps, chest, back, shoulder and abs. I also am working on new cardio things such as jump roping. I will lay out what I lift after the gym today and then try to keep updating in this blog to see how much (or little) I've improved.

The second will be forcing myself to blog daily about he caloric intake I have. I'm hoping this will keep me on the straight and narrow. Of course I'm saying this while munching on a handful of jelly beans so there's that. But it's baby steps.

So that's the goal, to look good in a tux by next April. As I sit here and type this out, I'm also realizing that I have one large hurdle to overcome. The switch hasn't flicked. What I mean by that is when anyone who has needed to overcome a large change in their lives has a moment of clarity when they realize something must be done. Alcoholics and drug users call it hitting rock bottom. I call it hitting Rocky Road, preferably Ben and Jerry's. It has happened for me a few times when I have lost larger amounts of weight. My hope is in writing this blog and trying to keep up with it, I'll flick the switch.

Working for the weekend

This week has had some ups and downs. I still haven't heard any official word on the job I interviewed for, all I've gotten is an email saying they haven't finished interviewing people. Better than a "no" I suppose. My boss got fired, because he was in a job that was WAY over his head and should have been let go several months ago. He's not a bad guy, and I wish him well, but man he just didn't have the skill set for that job. I feel a little bit like a boxer here. Just gotta keep ducking and weaving, haven't laid me off yet. I'm chained to my desk at work and while it's not boring every single minute, there are times when I just can't play another game of Bejewled Blitz.

It's been within the past year that I've started looking forward to my weekend plans. When I was single, my weekends consisted of going to the gym for an hour or so and then watching TV or playing video games for the rest of the day. Sad...I know. I did a few other things too, but not many. Then I met the Fiance, to be clear she wasn't the Fiance when I first met her, that would be silly. But when I did meet her my weekends started filling up quickly.

Now that spring has sprung and the weather is getting nicer, people are venturing out of hibernation and going to Home Depot. As are we this weekend. Saturday will consist of getting up and having a good hardy breakfast then picking up the truck from Dad's house and heading to Home Depot. We are finally going to tear out all the stupid ground ivy that covers my "front yard". I put it in quotes because it's about a 12x12 patch of dirt that gets no sun, so I couldn't grow grass even if I wanted to.

This ivy has been the bane of my existence since I first bought my place. I don't get poison ivy or poison oak easily so when I say this stuff is evil please understand where I'm coming from. I don't know what this stuff is called but it's the spawn of Satan himself. Never stops growing and if I look at it wrong I break out. But I digress, we will cover the area with mulch, landscaping tarp, flowers and weed killer. Probably not in that order. But not before we head to yoga. Then in the evening we are having a "date night" of movie and dinner. So Saturday will be quite booked. Oh and I forgot to mention, we need to go over to her parents house and pick up some patio furniture sometime during the day as well. Which wouldn't be so bad except it's about 45 minute drive each way to get there.

So that leaves Sunday, the day of rest. Heh...while she is working on bettering herself by getting a national certificate for her job, I will be recaulking the shower, making a run to the dump, and cleaning out storage spaces and closets so we can move the rest of her stuff down in a couple of weeks.

I love my new weekends. Mainly, because I have found someone to share my life with. But there are times when I still yearn to spend an entire Saturday sitting with my friend and marathoning Stargate SG-1.....just not many.

Sleep

I yearn for a good nights sleep. I can't remember the last time I had a really good nights sleep that wasn't drug induced. Now, before you go all "oh my gosh he takes drugs", we are talking Tylenol PM so don't get your panties in a bunch.

There are many reasons why I don't sleep well. But lately it seems that I have a lot on my mind. I'm getting married (which I honestly never thought would happen), my Fiance is moving in. This is something that is a big adjustment for me. I very much want to spend the rest of my life with her, but I've never lived with anyone before. I've had roommates and some of them were women, but never in a let's share a life together aspect. I'm excited to try it and nervous about it all at the same time.

As stated previously she bring two cats with her and my cat doesn't play well with others. If I may digress for a moment. Last night I had a rude awakening. I thought all this time, that my cat was the innocent bystander in all of this ruckus. Just sat there minding his own business when her cats would come over and harass him. But no, this is not the case. I saw my cat growl and hiss at one of hers because her cat was standing in front of the open window that Harley likes to stand in. In other words, Harley was pissed off because one of her cats was in his spot. I don't know if cats have a sound for "places back" but I think I heard it last night.

But back to sleep, the cats not getting along is stressing me out. I'm not sure why, probably because I've never dealt with a situation like this before. The Fiance is wonderful, she is beyond patient with me and my neurosis about the cats. I'm even dreaming about my cat eating the head of one of her cats. It was quite disturbing because I couldn't tell if Harley was playing or actually trying to eat her cat. Yeah...I know...I'm strange.

I know what your saying, once the cats get along and I get used to sharing my life with someone all will be well and I'll be able to sleep. Not so fast there sonny. I also have a job where it's best described as working for the Dread Pirate Roberts, "Good job today, I'll most likely fire you in the morning". I'm looking for a new job, and found a great opportunity, but of course I'm not sure if they are going to hire me. So I do have a few other things on my mind.

I know that in the grand scheme of things, my life is far from bad. In retrospect I've grown up in a very Norman Rockwellish type of environment. I do have a wonderful life in many respects. I have good friends, a fantastic woman who loves me as much as I love her, my health, a loving family, and a job that for now pays the bills. I feel almost guilty complaining about not sleeping well and cats not getting along. But in the end this is my blog, and my venue to vent. To quote someone who I respect and love very much....some days are just oatmeal.

Mr Wussy Pants

As you might have guessed from my picture on top of the page, I have a cat. His name is Harley, so named because he purrs really loud. He is a mix of Maine Coon, Norwegian Forest Cat, barn cat, and I'm pretty sure a playgirl pin up as he has a tendency to lay on his back, legs spread, and just look at you. Thank God for fur.

Well, the Fiance is moving in pretty soon and with her comes two other cats. One is very similar to Harley in shape, size and demeanor, the other is kind of like an overexcited kid at Christmas....on crack. We've had a few "get together" weekends with the cats and to say the first time didn't go well is an understatement. I've never heard sounds like that. I still get a cold sweat when I think about it.

The second time went much better, but Harley didn't really "warm" to the newcomers. He refused to allow the other cats near him without growling and didn't eat, drink or use the litter box until I had him in a room alone. So I'm thinking to myself, he will either go hungry or get used to them. However, according to my sister, the vet, Harley could actually make himself sick before he eats or uses the litter box. You would think that common sense would kick in, but this is the cat that tried to roll onto his back and fell down a flight of steps. Not the brightest bulb in the pack if you know what I mean.

So now I have to do my research and figure out how to introduce cats. Like most things on the Internet there is too much information and I quickly have become bogged down. I'm liking more and more the idea my friend gave me of locking them all in a closet until only one remains. Kind of like a furry Survivor. I can even imagine setting up challenges, but I digress. I know the solution, to slowly introduce the cats into each others world, but that seems quite the hassle. Dogs are MUCH easier in this respect. They just sniff each others butt and it's done with.

My cat is a wuss, I've know this for years. And now that I've tossed this out into the river of ones and zeros I do feel a little better. Maybe this blogging stuff isn't all that bad.

Just Starting Out

I've decided to try this blogging thing. I gotta be honest, I'm not too sure about all this. Lots of people tell me they have a blog, or they blogged or they like blogging. And my sister just told me you could make money by having people click on advertisements posted in your blog. I've GOT to get in on that action.



For a long time I have been skeptical. I just didn't get the idea of posting your thoughts for all or a select few to see. Why would anyone want to read about mine? I never have understood Twitter and Facebook is only good for Flash games and pictures as far as I'm concerned. I still don't understand the draw of telling people "off to the grocery store" or "doing laundry" or "holding off a ravenous lion with a swifer". I may have made that last one up, and honestly, if someone could "tweet" while holding off a ravenous lion with a swifer I probably would follow them.



But then a good friend and old roommate started a blog about woodworking. And honestly, I didn't really get the idea of it at first. But I did start reading it, and have been drawn in by it. Now I know people have blogs for many many reasons. Anywhere from someone who is just looking for writing practice and to get some thoughts out of their head. To political commentary on the global market and how it relates to socio-economic classes. To whether or not anyone ACTUALLY SAW ANYTHING when Justin Timberlake ripped off Janet Jacksons top. Sorry, that's been bugging me for awhile.



So I decided I should give it shot. I've got some pretty big life changes coming up and might need a place to release the thoughts that build up. So here goes, watch out interwebs...